I’m an American, which means that deep inside me beats the heart of an Entrepreneur, an innovator, a craven opportunist. And no time of the year brings out the “true American spirit of Git’ er done.” more than Christmas.
That’s why I am offering a new service for the holidays. No, not hanging lights around the house, not gift wrapping, not even dressing up like a character from a Dickens’ novel and singing Christmas carols at your big Holiday party.
No, I am offering a service that is much more innovative, much more entrepreneurial and much more…shall we say…niche. After all this is the age of specialization. Now days if you want to make your mark in the service industry you must zero in on your target demo. So, ladies and gentlemen (or should I say brothers and sisters) I present BaWG (Bring a White Guy) “Your Personal (safety) Shopper.” (TM)
People of Color: Are you concerned about being able to make it safely out of the department store after making a high dollar purchase without going through a strip search ( or what we in the industry like to refer to as an “exit interview” )? No problem. Just bring me along. I’m an old white guy. Crow’s feet and a muffin top may not pull the ladies at the local nightclub, but it will imbue you with the consumer legitimacy that you will need to safely navigate a shopping spree at Barney’s.
For a small percentage of total purchases successfully made without a single 4th amendment violation, I will show up at your door with gray hair, wearing Dockers and a pair of beige Rockport “Mall Walkers” and escort you safely through your shopping experience.
Don’t spend another shopping season being chased down by Paul Blart. Call BaWG and “shop like a white guy!” (TM)